Gambling

Does Honduras hold our child?

The day Johnny and I made the decision to adopt, I felt a course was set to bring home a child sometime in the 18 months that followed.  We have proceeded forward in the innocence of that intent... telling friends the good news, allowing our children to share our excitement, painting our son's room.  We did not realize we were gambling, and we may or may not bring home a child.

The last couple of months we heard of delays that we thought might prolong our wait for a referral from the 6 months we were expecting to up to 12 more months.  And although that could still be a real possibility, the first wisps of fear have also woven into our minds regarding the risk we took by entering such a new program:  the delays could be indefinite.  Fellow Honduran PAPs, please do not think I know something.  I know nothing, like the rest of you.  But for other friends and family, this article in September was our first clue - the Secretary General and Director of the group in charge of adoptions were forced to step down and an investigation was begun.  The sum of the many more articles that have circulated since then, with workers on strike, pointed fingers, corruption and lost funds, etc. paint a grim picture.  Sure, some of it we can respect as cultural differences (striking is very common in Latin America), but it still leaves us with few guarantees.

The timing is our gamble.  We would love to bring home a child from Honduras.  But there are other countries with more stable adoption programs with wait times of 12-18 months.  If we start over now, we could still bring him home in the next 18 months.  Not ideal (we are so ready, now!), but doable.  If we wait 6 months, we take a gamble.  50% chance things will turn around and we will get a referral sooner from Honduras, and 50% chance (these are my statistics, folks, based on gut feeling) that we will learn the program is on hold and we have to move to another program.  But, oh yeah, that means we start the 18 more months wait at that point.  And we really can't. 

I truly do envy those families for whom a major life event, like adding a child to their family, does not need the same planning our family seems to require.  But big things, (like needing to eventually go back to work to put our kids through college!) preclude our family from being on hold for years on end.  When I was comparing country timelines at the beginning of our adoption decision, I actually had someone close to me say, "well maybe if a year or two difference in when he comes home is that important to you, you should not be doing this".  And yeah, I get it.  But then, I also don't.  Because no one presumes to question parents who plan the timing of their biological kids.  In families with two parents in professional careers, timing is all part of the balance of doing what is best for our kids.

We are not alone, or special, in this endeavor.  Many other families are struggling, weighed down with hope or despair, depending on the day, as they try to form their family.  We love the other adoptive families who have shared their stories and their waits with us.  We empathize with their heavy investments of emotion, time, and money into adoption.  We have invested $24,000 in this process so far.  We wish we had the financial surplus to not even worry about that part of the gamble, but it has not been without sacrifice.  Regardless, the possibility of this child is worth it to us.

Is there a child waiting for us?  Will we become parent and sister and brother to a child in 2012?  Or 2013?  Or will we lose our window?